Before I even remotely considered the idea of blogging for myself, I was addicted to theBloggess - Jenny Lawson. She is hysterical and has written one of the most laugh out loud funny books I’ve ever read – Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.
But what I also love about her is that she is constantly wrestling with depression, various forms of anxiety, health issues and more mundane self-esteem and parenting issues and being very real and honest about it. Before you finish this posting, I urge you to read her post from today….it really struck a serious chord with me and I’m sure most of you will see something of yourselves in there…
As much as I love social media and being connected, there are days that I look at things, and people on there and wonder, why does my life not look like that? Is everyone doing better than me? Having more fun? Being more successful? Traveling more? Just living more than me? What am I doing wrong? And I have those days where sometimes I feel like I am a fraud, and that people will find out. Or they will find out that sometimes, I just want to be alone and not engage with the world. I am not always motivated and I am really hard on myself. I don’t follow-up on things as I should, and then I get angry at myself for being a slacker. I eat too much sugar and lose my mind. I hate the gym. I worry about my business and my dogs. Other days, I kick ass and feel great about it and wish I could hold on to that feeling longer. And on those days I know that comparison is the thief of joy. But that thief keeps lurking.
I am so glad I am not the only one. The number of days I feel successful every month varies and I hate/envy people who seem to have their shit together 24/7, or at least make it look like they do. I want to be that way, or present something like that to the world that masks the truths on the inside. The insecurities and worries. I was hoping that by the time I hit my 40′s, some of this would have worn off.
As Jenny says in the post from above “...I feel successful 3-4 days a month. The other days I feel like I’m barely accomplishing the minimum or that I’m a loser. I have imposter syndrome so even when I get compliments they are difficult to take and I just feel like I’m a bigger fraud than before. I feel the worst when I get so paralyzed by fear that I end up huddled in bed and fall further and further behind. To make myself feel more successful I spend real-time with my daughter every day, even if it’s just huddling under a blanket and watching Little House on the Prairie reruns on TV. I also try to remind myself that most of idols struggled as well, and that this struggle might make me stronger, if it doesn’t destroy me.”
I want her cable package – I can never find Little House on the Prairie reruns on mine. Anyways – I just wanted to put that out there – just like the Bloggess. I’m curious to know if you feel the same way. Drop me a comment and let me know. And go get that that book. Best part – the raccoons in Jams. You’ll thank me for it.